I did not have my best "mom" day on Saturday. We had a good morning, but by the afternoon I was losing my patience with the girls way too quickly. We went out for a quick shopping trip, and though they were pretty good, I got frustrated because they were both clinging to me instead of walking out with Jeremy so I could finish up and check out in peace. We got home and Jeremy grilled us a couple of steaks for a late lunch. A & M had eaten and had a nap, so they should have been ready to play either in the living room or kitchen while we ate. Did that happen? Of course not. Even though we were completely in sight of both rooms, they stood beside our chairs and cried to be picked up the entire time we were eating. I really lost my patience a couple of times...it was not pretty. I told Jeremy I am going to call a teenager from our church who lives in the neighborhood to come watch the girls while we eat lunch together on Saturdays!
The moment passed, as they always do, and we got to finish eating (complete with little hands pulling on my shorts, but still). A couple of hours later, as all was forgiven and I was rocking my girls before bed, I prayed that I would have a better attitude and more patience with my girls. As they get bigger, I know they are going to demand lots of attention that will require much more patience on my part and sometimes they will need more than I can give in a single moment. I prayed that they will forgive me for the times when there is just not enough of me to go around. I was feeling a little broken when I put them to bed on Saturday night, and more than a little guilty.
Sunday morning, I was armed with a new attitude. I was going to be patient and upbeat, knowing that all my girls really want is mama's attention. I can certainly give plenty of that...even if it means my food has to get a little cold before I can shovel it in.
When I got to church, I heard some news that kind of put my whole attitude this weekend into perspective. A young mother in my hometown died very suddenly the night before. She was not sick; it just appears she may have had a heart attack during the night. As I sat in church, my thoughts turned to her children. How sad for them...they went to bed Friday night knowing their mom was just down the hall and they would see her in the morning...and they woke up to find that she was gone. My heart just breaks for them. And even though I know this mom is likely rejoicing in Heaven right now, my heart aches a little bit in thinking about all the things she will miss in her children's lives: first days of school, birthdays, first dates, and weddings. The list could go on and on.
Yesterday afternoon, as I was changing a dirty diaper, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that these days with my girls are such a gift. I thanked God many times for allowing me to spend my time raising these girls: caring for them, keeping them clean, nourishing their bodies and spirits. When the things I want have to be put on hold, it's okay, because loving them is my most important job. If there ever comes a time where I don't get to wake up in the morning, I don't want them to remember the days when I had to push them away to try and clean the kitchen or check my email. I want them to remember the bedtime snuggles, the tickle monster, the chases through the backyard, and the millions of hugs and kisses.
Sometimes I just need a little reminder about what matters most in this life.