Some Words for the New Year

I have been writing and rewriting a New Year post in my head for more than a week now, but it somehow still hasn't made it to my computer screen.  I don't do too well with specific resolutions, so as usual, there are a lot of "more ___" and "less ___". 

I love Marcia's word of the year idea, and I had been thinking I would go with simplify for the second year in a row (surely that's allowed?).  It was my word for last year, and although I did a lot more thinking about simplifying than putting it into action, it still helped as kind of an overarching theme for the year.  I tried to keep it in mind when making decisions--to evaluate which avenue would further the goal of simplifying our lives.

So, going into the year, my long-term goal is yet again, to simplify.  Jeremy and I want to reduce our stuff, reduce our spending, and do more enjoying of the simple pleasures in life.  That still holds true.

However, this weekend I unexpectedly found a new angle for thinking about my year, and although it falls in line with the theme of simplifying, it defines my focus a bit more...and puts it exactly where it should have been all along.

I had the blessing of attending a retreat with the youth from my church, and it was a great way to kick off the year with the right attitude.

Now I have more than a word for the year... I have a mantra:

Nothing more; nothing less; nothing else.

Sounds like the perfect mantra for simplifying life, right?  Actually, there is much more to it than first appears.  In the context of the song it comes from (by Peder Eide), it is followed by the words Do what you want with me. 

I don't know if the youth felt the real meaning of this song as strongly as I did or not, but for me, it was the perfect reminder that I don't need to spend time worrying about living up to the world's standards of success.  God will put me in the places I need to be to serve Him best, and really, isn't that exactly where I want to be? 

I am listening for the whispers this year, the quiet nudges directing my path--maybe not always my path, but His path, which promises to be infinitely better than anything I could do on my own.

Nothing more; nothing less; nothing else...just what He wants me to be.

Get ready, 2012, I am coming for you!

Happy Thoughts

It's been a good few weeks around here.  We have all been busy catching up from the holidays, and I haven't even been able to post any pictures from Christmas because our laptop died and I can't find my camera cord to connect and download pictures to my work computer.  I do want to do a Christmas post, for the sake of memories, so you may be reading about our Christmas around Valentine's Day...or whenever we get around to buying a new computer!

Speaking of new computers, I really, really want a Macbook Pro, but Jeremy is not convinced we need to invest that kind of money.  I have never had a Mac, but suddenly, I am positive it would make all my dreams come true.  If you have a Mac, tell me why you love it...help me build my case!  : )

Anyway, like I said, we have just been having a pretty great year so far.  Much like Marcia mentioned yesterday, we have had a few of those days that just make me stop and think, "Yes, these are exactly the kind of moments I imagined for our family."  (Which further enforces that feeling that this may very well be all of our family, just the four of us.)

I don't even know how to explain it really, but it just feels like we are enjoying each other so much more lately.  We play games and do crafts with the girls, who are more fun and independent than ever before, but there are also times that we are all in the same room and we are all doing a bit of our own thing--I might be reading, Jeremy playing a video game, and the girls moving back and forth, making us "coffee" or "pancakes" from their kitchen--and in those moments, I stop and realize there is absolutely no place I would rather be.  Unless, you know, someone were to offer us a house on the beach in which to do all those activities...because I certainly wouldn't turn THAT down!

Our daily lives still revolve around Addison & Mackenzie, of course, as well they should.  But it also feels like maybe the intensity of the early stages is easing a bit.  Instead of every moment being consumed with what the girls want/need me to be doing, I am finding more moments where I can just enjoy being with them.  I mean, on Saturday, I rearranged their bedroom, by myself, WITH BOTH GIRLS PRESENT and even sort of helping me!  This is unprecedented territory, folks.  Six months ago, they would have been a screaming, crying mess if I even tried to focus on something other than exactly what they wanted me to do for longer than five minutes at a time.  We spent about three hours in their room, alternately playing, rearranging, hanging pictures, and going through old clothes.  It was an absolutely precious morning with my girls, and even better, I was productive while enjoying time with them.

Further illustrating how far we have come as a family, Jeremy took the girls to the mall the other day, willingly, all by himself.  He wanted a new shirt and decided he would take A & M to Build-a-Bear.  He did, and they had a very successful trip.  It may not sound like a big deal, but an outing like that would have been a much bigger deal a year or so ago.  At about an hour away, the mall is not a place they have visited all that often, bless their hearts.  : )

So, yeah, things are changing for this family, and all in the best of ways.  Now that these girls are potty trained and ready for new adventures, you just never know what we might be up to next! 

 

In wrapping up my happy thoughts for the evening, I have to give a big ROLL TIDE for my fellow Alabama fans (especially MandyE!)...as I type, our beloved Crimson Tide is less than three minutes away from wrapping up a victory over LSU in the BCS National Championship game.  I can't wait to tell Addison & Mackenzie in the morning.  They went to bed shouting "Roll Tide, and go Alabama, and go Auburn, and go Braves", with a few "Go Wildcats" (our local high school team) thrown in for good measure.  Bless their confused little hearts...it's hard being in a divided house!

And once more, because I can't resist....Roll Tide!!!

Perspective

We have had such a busy fall already.  It seems like every weekend is packed full of places to go and people to see.  Not that it's a bad thing...it would just be nice to have a free day in the midst of the go-go-go.

For instance, this weekend alone we...

Attended our town's Homecoming parade

Ate "messi-cans" (that's A&M-speak for 'Mexican') with family

Went to the Homecoming football game

 

Took a Saturday morning trip to the library

Visited with my sister (who made a very quick trip home) until late in the night

Made a short shopping trip for a birthday gift

Went to church (a little late, as usual)

Taught Sunday school

Ate lunch with the family at our favorite Sunday restaurant

Attended a Sunday afternoon birthday party

Skipped naps

Left the party early because the girls were grumpy

---------------------------------------------------

It's tempting to complain about the constant rush of this season, especially knowing that it only gets worse the closer we get to Thanksgiving and Christmas.  But there's one more thing we did this weekend:

Attended the funeral of a precious two-month-old little girl, taken too soon from a family that adores her

...that really puts it all in a different perspective.  And I remember, again, how blessed we are and I am grateful for every single second with my family.

Crazy, Beautiful Days

As you may have noticed, I have been making some design changes around here lately, and I have been thinking about the title of my blog and how much it applies to life right now. 

When I titled this blog, shortly before my girls were born, I guess I had some idea that life was going to change.  I mean, I am certain that I must have realized it, but I can safely say that I did not at all realize the extent to which it would change. 

I knew there would be some crazy times, though explaining the exact chaos of adding two tiny infants into a formerly childless household is difficult to do.  It's something you have to experience to truly understand, and in retrospect, it is probably a good thing we didn't have a better grasp on what to expect for the first few weeks!

The level of crazy has fluctuated as the months have gone by, with some stages bringing a little more crazy than others.  I still say that nothing, nothing, can be as crazy or as out-of-control as those first few weeks, but there are still some moments when I sit back and can't believe this is my life. 

As the level of crazy has changed, the beautiful moments have only increased.  At first, yes, those tiny babies were beautiful and becoming a mother was an amazing thing, but I didn't understand the depth of my love for them yet.  As my attachment to and my relationship with my girls has deepened, the sweet times have just become that much sweeter.

Along with our best friends Kelly and Justin, we went on our first outing as a group of eight (four adults and four children under 2, including a tiny newborn!) last weekend.  We ate dinner and went to the botanical gardens walking tour of light displays.  The night was just amazing, if only for its simplicity.  As I watched our three one-year-olds run around the (blessedly) empty room at the restaurant, I realized I was looking at just one of the many crazy, beautiful moments that make our up our life.  Adults talking over whining children, digging crayon bits out of tiny mouths, finishing almost every meal with one child or another sitting in my lap and digging around on my plate, and watching our children begin what will hopefully be their own lifelong friendships...sometimes I am just overwhelmed with the simple sweetness of it all.  How did I wind up here?  How did I get so lucky?

Sometimes the crazy outweighs the beautiful, but often it's the other way around.  Put it all together and it becomes a life.  This life we are building...it's a lovely blend of a lot of crazy and even more beautiful, and I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

A Reminder

I did not have my best "mom" day on Saturday.  We had a good morning, but by the afternoon I was losing my patience with the girls way too quickly.  We went out for a quick shopping trip, and though they were pretty good, I got frustrated because they were both clinging to me instead of walking out with Jeremy so I could finish up and check out in peace.  We got home and Jeremy grilled us a couple of steaks for a late lunch.  A & M had eaten and had a nap, so they should have been ready to play either in the living room or kitchen while we ate.  Did that happen?  Of course not.  Even though we were completely in sight of both rooms, they stood beside our chairs and cried to be picked up the entire time we were eating.  I really lost my patience a couple of times...it was not pretty.  I told Jeremy I am going to call a teenager from our church who lives in the neighborhood to come watch the girls while we eat lunch together on Saturdays!

The moment passed, as they always do, and we got to finish eating (complete with little hands pulling on my shorts, but still).  A couple of hours later, as all was forgiven and I was rocking my girls before bed, I prayed that I would have a better attitude and more patience with my girls.  As they get bigger, I know they are going to demand lots of attention that will require much more patience on my part and sometimes they will need more than I can give in a single moment.  I prayed that they will forgive me for the times when there is just not enough of me to go around.  I was feeling a little broken when I put them to bed on Saturday night, and more than a little guilty.

Sunday morning, I was armed with a new attitude.  I was going to be patient and upbeat, knowing that all my girls really want is mama's attention.  I can certainly give plenty of that...even if it means my food has to get a little cold before I can shovel it in.

When I got to church, I heard some news that kind of put my whole attitude this weekend into perspective.  A young mother in my hometown died very suddenly the night before.  She was not sick; it just appears she may have had a heart attack during the night.  As I sat in church, my thoughts turned to her children.  How sad for them...they went to bed Friday night knowing their mom was just down the hall and they would see her in the morning...and they woke up to find that she was gone.  My heart just breaks for them.  And even though I know this mom is likely rejoicing in Heaven right now, my heart aches a little bit in thinking about all the things she will miss in her children's lives:  first days of school, birthdays, first dates, and weddings.  The list could go on and on.

Yesterday afternoon, as I was changing a dirty diaper, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that these days with my girls are such a gift.  I thanked God many times for allowing me to spend my time raising these girls:  caring for them, keeping them clean, nourishing their bodies and spirits.  When the things I want have to be put on hold, it's okay, because loving them is my most important job.  If there ever comes a time where I don't get to wake up in the morning, I don't want them to remember the days when I had to push them away to try and clean the kitchen or check my email.  I want them to remember the bedtime snuggles, the tickle monster, the chases through the backyard, and the millions of hugs and kisses.

Sometimes I just need a little reminder about what matters most in this life.

I Needed That

The last week or so has been pretty challenging around here.  I guess I should more accurately say it's been challenging for me...no one else seemed to have much of a problem with it. 

For some reason, our routine got a little off a few days last week.  On a couple of different occasions, the girls screamed when I put them down for the night, which almost never happens.  They normally curl up quietly on their little pillows and hum or "talk" until they drift off to sleep.  I'm still not quite sure what was going on, but it threw me for a loop.  When they weren't going down right, I just got them back up to hang out a little bit longer, then tried again.  They ended up going down fine eventually, but only once they were really ready, apparently.   (Which was not until 8:15 on Saturday night...when for over a year, they have been in bed by 7:00, nearly without fail!)

In the grand scheme of things, it's not really that big of a deal, I know.  Just push bedtime back a little, right?  It seems so easy, but let me tell you, I have been some kind of stressed dealing with the kink in our schedule.  I do NOT like not knowing what time they may decide to go to bed.  (Why, yes, I do have a little problem with change, thankyouverymuch.)  And I really, really hate the screaming when I try to put them to bed.  Mackenzie is a very loud child when she chooses to be. 

It all came to a head on Sunday night, when Jeremy and I were going to take turns going over to my mom's (which is about 5 minutes away) to eat the delicious supper my family was enjoying...except that the girls were once again refusing to go to bed.  It didn't help that Addison had had a late 2-hour nap that day, and Mackenzie had refused to nap all afternoon, until she literally fell over asleep at 5:00 and slept about 30 minutes.  They were all out of sorts; I was out of sorts from worrying about it; and Jeremy was crazy from dealing with all of us.  When we realized they weren't ready for bed, he suggested we just take them with us to my mom's.  I had been so looking forward to eating a nice, peaceful meal, without having to hold a kid or push little hands away from my plate, drink, fork, knife, etc....and at the thought of not getting that, I lost it a little.  Jeremy made me realize that, as important as schedule and routine are to my sanity, sometimes I have to deal with a little change here and there.  And it will be okay. 

In case you're wondering, he sent me on to my mom's while he dealt with the girls.   I had a full meal all by myself, and it was fantastic.

Going into this week, I felt more refreshed and ready to deal with whatever the new challenges might be.  Eight o'clock bedtime?  I can handle it...more playtime for me and my girls. 

Yesterday, we had the 15-month checkup and shots.  They took great naps yesterday afternoon and were still ready for bed at the normal time, but I attributed it to the tiring day and the tylenol I gave them to wear off the vaccine-induced crankiness. 

I was curious to see how they would do tonight, especially since my mom said they did not get a nap at all this afternoon (thanks to a loud thunderstorm rolling through).  When Mackenzie fell asleep on the five-minute drive home, I thought the evening could turn out to be another challenging one.

To my surprise, everything went just perfectly tonight.  The girls were funny and playful, even though they were sleepy.  They ate well, pointing out mama, sissy, and all the correct body parts during dinner.  They cracked up at me making the "sss" sound (it's the funniest letter of the alphabet, obviously), and chased each other down the hallway.  They had a 30-minute bath, and not because someone pooped in the tub, but because they were playing so well together.  After bath, Mackenzie even bent down to give me kiss on the mouth, which is nearly unheard of these days (one-year-olds are apparently too cool to give kisses to their parents!).  Addison unexpectedly dove in my lap and buried her head in my shoulder to give me "love".  Those two actions right there will likely be the highlight of my week. 

We ended the night in the recliner, as always, drinking milk and singing songs as A & M wind down for bedtime.  We cuddled sang "Wheels on the Bus" (with a few hand motions on their part!), "Jesus Loves Me", and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".  After an extra round of cuddling, my sweet girls curled up in their beds, clutching their blankets and lovies, and went right to sleep, as if the past week was all a dream.

Thanks, girls, for reminding me not to get too bent out of shape over silly things like bedtime.  Thanks for your sweet kisses and snuggles, for making me laugh, and for brightening my day with your beautiful little faces.  I needed that tonight.

I intended to write a post today on some of the sleep issues going on in our house lately.  It's not been too bad, just lots of middle-of-the-night wakings from Mackenzie, who also manages to wind up in our bed around 5:00 a.m. every morning.  I don't know what is going on...molars?  Bad dreams?  Separation anxiety?

I read a story this morning, though, that puts all our daily issues (or non-issues) into true perspective.  I saw a link to a story about a little girl who just passed away from cancer.  I don't always click over to read more, because sometimes, I just can't handle the sad stories.  When I saw that this little girl has a twin sister, I knew I had to read. 

Little Ellie passed away on Wednesday this week, after a battle with a rare form of pediatric cancer.  She leaves behind a beautiful twin sister, Grace.  You can see her story and some sweet pictures that absolutely broke my heart on her CaringBridge site.  I am so sad for Ellie's parents and her sister, and I just can't imagine the pain they are feeling right now.  It just seems so unfair, so wrong, for a parent to have to explain to her 8-year-old daughter that she will be going to live with Jesus and wait for her family in Heaven.  Grace shouldn't have to live the rest of her life missing her twin.

I happened to notice on the site that tomorrow, just after the time of Ellie's memorial service, many people are planning to release pink and white balloons in honor of Ellie.  I think we may go find some balloons in the morning and send them up to this sweet little girl.  If you would like to join, the balloon release is planned for 1 p.m. Eastern time.

"He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart." --Isaiah 40:11

Tonight, I will remind myself to be thankful for my strong, healthy girls.  I will remember how quickly things can change, and that none of us are guaranteed another day on this Earth.  If my children were sick, or if I felt I didn't have much time left with them, would I care that they woke me up in the middle of the night?  Absolutely not!  I would gladly sit in that rocking chair with my babies nestled in my lap, rocking and singing, breathing in every ounce of them for as long as I was able.  When my Mackenzie-girl wakes me up tonight, as she surely will, I will grab those little outstretched arms and be glad that her lungs are healthy enough to stir me from a deep sleep.  I will be thankful that she is strong enough to cling to me and I will hold her and thank God for all the days He gives me with my sweet girls.

Sorry for the morose post today, but I just can't get this family off my mind this morning.  I am taking Addison and Mackenzie to McDonald's to play on the indoor playground (yay airconditioning!) this afternoon, so I'm sure that will brighten my mood some!  We haven't been to play since they started walking more steadily, so I'm excited to see how they like it.  I have so much fun watching those girls learn to walk...they lurch around like little drunks, but they are getting much better at it very quickly!  I have to get video soon, before they can run away.  : )

Giving Back

One of the first books I am reading in this new year is Crazy Love, by Francis Chan.  I have heard many great things about this book, but I didn't really know what I was in for when I began reading.  Chan is straightforward and hard-hitting, challenging Christians to stop living "lukewarm" lives and begin living the lives our God means for us to live.  I have been reminded again how great and loving our God is, and how sinful and undeserving we are.  And yet, He continues to love us and constantly desires for us to love him more deeply and passionately.  What an amazing God we serve!

While thinking about all the blessings I've received in this life, I can't help but be reminded of those who have so little.  Watching news coverage and reading reports of the catastrophe in Haiti just breaks my heart.  And yet, in the midst of it, there are stories about people stepping up to make a difference.  Have you heard about the sisters from PA who were finally rescued with 53 of their orphans?  How amazing are they??  One of Chan's points is that all of the amazing and wonderful things people do for others have to start somewhere.  We tend to say things like-oh, those sisters do amazing work with their orphanage in Haiti, but I could never do anything like that.  Why not, though?  All of these ideas start with people just like you and me... they just had the desire and the drive to take steps of faith and make a difference. 

In the midst of this tender-hearted streak I've been in, Jeremy and I watched The Blind Side this weekend.  It was my second time watching it, and I spent a lot of the movie just thinking about what an inspiring thing the Tuohys did in opening their home to a kid they knew virtually nothing about.  Could I do it?  I honestly don't know if I could.  Still, I continue to have this nagging voice telling me that I CAN do so much more for others than I do now.  It all starts with the small things, right?  I'm donating my money, I'm praying, but what else can I do?  I'm making a conscious effort to look for ways I can become more involved and give more to others, and honestly, I'm pretty excited about it. 

What are some ways you've become involved in your community?  If you had the means and the inspiration to take on a major project like the Haitian orphanage, what would yours be?  What cause is close to your heart?  You never know who you might inspire to begin something great!