I see that my current subscription is coming to an end. I got your nice little card offering two years for the price of one if I renew immediately. That was a nice offer, Glamour, but I have to say, I think it's time for us to go our separate ways.
We had some good years together; you have been with me throughout college and my young adult life. You have accompanied me on many trips, provided fodder for girly conversations, and adorned my coffee table.
Once upon a time, I found your beauty tips helpful, your sexy secrets intriguing, and your dos and don'ts entertaining. Gradually, though, we have grown apart. Lately I find that you sit on my countertop, untouched, for weeks at a time. I just can't muster the same excitement for articles entitled Thirteen Surprising Reasons He's Psyched You're His Girlfriend, especially since (a) I haven't been his "girlfriend" in nearly five years, and (b) a mortgage and two kids later, there shouldn't be anything "surprising" about his being "psyched" to be with me.
And really? Do I need to know the S*x Secrets of 30,000 Women? Maybe I'm turning into a prude, but s*x is for my husband and me, and I really don't have a desire to know the details of anyone else's bedroom escapades either.
As for the fashion articles and advertisements, I think it's time that I face facts. I live in small-town Alabama, and outfits like these:
are really not feasible for my life, no matter how many publications list them as Spring 2011's Most Wearable Fashion Trends. And I must say, Glamour, you're getting pretty out there on some of these "trends"...not all of us are fashion-forward NYC trendsetters.
One thing I have enjoyed is your commitment to honoring women and sharing stories of hope and encouragement. But the fact is, these stories are clearly not the centerpiece of your magazine and the intellectual, inspiring stories are fewer and father between than it seems they were just a few years ago.
The thing is, Glamour, we are just too different now. It's not all you; it's me as well. I've grown up and chosen to embrace the person I am: a perfectly content, if somewhat boring, wife and mother of two beautiful little girls.
You have articles on finding the perfect wedding dress, but never mention how to talk about financial decisions that will affect a marriage. You claim to know all the secrets of a man's mind and share the top ten signs he's interested, but you have no advice on how to get a man to do the dishes once in awhile or help with the daily housework that can be so overwhelming. You have great articles on hosting a successful brunch and recipes for the perfect cocktail, but no mention of what to serve at a playgroup gathering for two year olds.
I feel like I hardly know you anymore, and I think it's time to call it quits. After all, the $18 or so I will save on my subscription can buy quite a few Little Golden Books, which are much better suited to my lifestyle right now.
I may not have the most current hairstyle, beauty product, or brand of heels, but I have a family and a life that I love. And that, Glamour, as I am sure you will agree, is always a DO.
Yoga-pants-and-baseball-cap-wearing Mama in Alabama
(All images credited to Glamour.)