I spend a lot of time imagining what my girls might be like in the future.  I dream about the days when they start playing games together...I can just hear them bossing each other around while playing 'school', arguing over who gets to be the teacher.  I think about all the things they will do together: first day of school, gymnastics classes, learning to ride bikes.

Looking a little further down the road, I think about the secrets they will share.  I imagine whispered conversations about friends and boys and giggles over inside jokes.  Obviously, it won't be fun and happiness all the time...how can it be with two girls the same age living under the same roof and sharing so many things?  I am sure there will be fights over toys, then clothes and shoes, and probably over those same friends and boys they'll whisper about in the night.  Yes, mama and daddy might need a drink a little stronger than Diet Dr. Pepper to get through those times!

Beyond imagining what Addison and Mackenzie might be like, I also spend quite a bit of time praying for them.  I pray they will be strong, happy, smart, and independent girls.  I pray they will be confident in who they are, and that they will achieve whatever it is they might want in this life.  I pray they will make good choices and have good hearts.  I pray they will love God and want to follow Him.  I am still learning exactly how to pray for my girls, but basically, I want the things we all want for our kids...  Good, happy lives, with as little pain as possible.

One thing I spend a lot of time thinking/worrying/praying about has surprised me a little bit...  I desperately hope that Addison and Mackenzie want to be friends.  That may sound a little strange, as I think we tend to assume our twins (maybe especially twins of the same sex?) will love each other dearly and probably always be the best of buddies.  But that could very easily not be the case. 

I grew up with a set of twin boys who were about as different as boys could be.  One was loud and uninhibited, a class clown who was on the football team and was always in the middle of the action.  His brother was quiet and more studious, a nice boy that was hard to know much about because he kept to himself a lot.  They were so different, you would almost never guess they were twins unless you knew them personally.  I was pretty good friends with one of these boys in high school, and I can safely say that they did not spend a lot of time sharing secrets and hanging out together.  If I recall correctly, they spent very little time together and may not have had much of a "friendship" at all beyond their sibling relationship.  Now, as adults, these twins are much closer and have a (seemingly) great relationship...but I still remember thinking how hard it would be having a twin in the same class and hardly speaking to them at all.

The 10-year-old identical twin girls who live across the street from us seem to be going through a distant period right now.  The girls are often found with another girl in the neighborhood, although it often seems one of the twins is tagging behind the other two or off doing her own thing.  She's a little quieter lately, and I just wonder if she's feeling left out.

I realize this is all going to be part of the experience of raising twins, but I just really, really want my girls to love each other, be nice to each other,  be there for each other, and hopefully, genuinely like each other.  Even with all the things they are going to have to share in their lives, I hope they never, ever resent being twins.  More than that, I hope they like it and feel lucky to have a friend/sister who is always there.

Am I being too idealistic in these hopes for my girls?  Do you think about these stages with your twins?  Is there anything we can do to foster their relationship?  I realize there are likely no clear answers to these questions, and that most of us here are figuring these things out as we go, but I'm interested to hear what you think.  Kristi, I am particularly interested in hearing your thoughts on this subject, as a twin yourself.  Anything you're doing differently with your girls?  Enlighten us!


  1. I think about the same things for my girls. I grew up an only child, and I'm so thrilled they have each other.

    Have you read the book "One and the Same" by Abigail Pogrebin? It's a great read. There's a lot of discussion on this topic. In certain ways I don't want to read too much, as I'm afraid it might make me "overthink" my approach to raising my girls...and I think there's a lot to be said for a mother's intuition. But it's a really interesting look at twin relationships. The biggest takeaway for me is not to "over-romanticize" the twinship. There were several sets of twins interviewed who, as adults, seemed to resent having been treated so "special". Some commented how they felt "guilty" for not feeling more of a bond with their twin, given how "special" a twinship is supposed to be.

    It's definitely an interesting question, and a tough one, too. I am hoping that, if we raise our girls to respect themselves and each other, things will have a way of working out. :) :)

  2. Okay, I have B/G twins, so I may be on the outside of this debate, but whenever people ask if they get along, I always have to answer "no." Sad, isn't it? They fight like crazy!!!

    There are some times they get along, but I think the sibling rivalry is going to be the same for twins as it is for sisters who are 2 years apart. My sister and I didn't actually become friends until after college.

    Through teaching, I have seen some wonderful sets of twins, but I'm sure they always have their issues at home. I wonder if there's anything you can do to foster that relationship or if you should just let it run its course.

  3. Wow! That's a tough one! I may have to think a little more about it and get back to ya, but I think I'm really at a disadvantage in the situation! My twin sis and I are best buds... inseparable... can't make a decision without the other's thoughts... it goes on and on! And basically, the moment I found out we were having twin girls, I was beside myself knowing that my girls will have that same bond with each other. But lately (like you), I've realized that they may not be like us (Kelli & I) and that will be very hard for this momma to swallow! Who knows how their relationship will blossom and I personally don't think it has much to do with how they're raised. I must say that my sister and I 'hated' each other quite a bit through our teenage years, but we remained best friends through it all ;)

    I'll have to think a little more on the subject and get back with ya ;)


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