Overwhelmed

Back in college, I used to get in these moods where I felt totally and completely overwhelmed by all my schoolwork, commitments, jobs, and other obligations.  It happened most often around the time of finals or when I had a big project due, or when I was working on a major event for sorority.  I would long to curl up with a book I wanted to read, as opposed to whichever one I was supposed to reading, and to just do nothing for awhile.

In graduate school in particular, I distinctly remember thinking I could not wait until I finished my degree so I could just work.  I anticipated the days when I would do my job, then go home and do whatever I wanted to do, without worrying about research, classes, or exams.

For the most part, I really did enjoy all the free time I had after finishing school.  Jeremy and I were already married when I completed my master's degree, and I had recently moved into my current job, which was a lot slower-paced and with much more normal hours than my previous one had been.  It felt so good to just be able to relax and enjoy the evenings and weekends, without anything hanging over my head.  (And I remember SO many weekends early on in our marriage when we both slept until nearly lunchtime, then might take a long afternoon nap, accomplishing absolutely nothing for the day.  The beauty of being a young adult with few responsibilities, right?)

I have done well keeping my promise to myself to remember how stressed I get when I am over-committed, and I have kept a pretty low-key schedule for the most part.  Sure, there have been times when I got a little too busy with one thing or another, or we had weeks when it felt like every moment was packed full.  Once, just a few weeks after the girls were born, I was convinced I was going to have to give up teaching because I just couldn't handle it on top of managing newborns.  (See--that "do nothing but work" phase did not entirely last...within a year or so of beginning my current job, I also started teaching part time at a local community college.)  Naturally, I settled into the routine better after a few weeks, managed to finish the semester, and am still teaching today. 

In the last month or so, I have realized that I have been letting my commitments and obligations stack up again.  Addison & Mackenzie (and Jeremy!) are the first priority, as always, but I am also juggling my regular job, two online college courses (which I do still enjoy and plan to keep), serving on a local board, teaching Sunday School and working with youth at church, among other projects and everyday things.  I let a project fall through the cracks this month, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I really failed at something I said I would do.  It's not a good feeling at all.

Still, at least I am aware enough to realize why it happened and to put a stop to the underlying issue right now.  I am still the same type of person I have always been:  when my day is done, I want to retreat with a book or tv (or a sewing or craft project), and let everything else go.  I don't want to spend the hours between the girls' bedtime and my own working on something I don't even really want to be doing.  Some commitments bring me joy, for the most part--teaching my online classes, working with youth, blogging and reviewing books--but my plate is full with all those things.  For now, I need to face the fact that I can't add anything else, and focus on those activities I truly enjoy.

After all, I am an adult now; I get to pick and choose what I want to do with my time.  I have learned that I function best somewhere between a jam-packed schedule and a wide-open life of leisure, and I just have to move it back into balance at times.  I am getting back to being a little more picky about what I choose to do, and learning to say no a little more often. 

Do you ever feel over-obligated?  Have you learned your limits and when to say 'no'?  Do you like to be busy or have lots of free time, or somewhere in between like me?

The End is in Sight

The end of the semester is almost here. Although there were times I wondered if I would make it through, the time really did go by quickly. I gave a take-home test for the final material from the text, so they just have to turn everything in and take a short current events exam and we will be finished! This semester has definitely been a learning experience for me as an instructor, and I am actually looking forward to starting over and incorporating what I've learned. The next couple of semesters should definitely be easier, since I have notes and exams already prepared. Only teaching one course will be a bit of a relief also.

I had a long weekend this past weekend and though I had big plans to get some things accomplished around the house, I spent most of the weekend relaxing and enjoying the freedom from the aforementioned class preparation. It was actually pretty nice. I also watched Juno, which was offbeat, but good. I have been catching up on my reading this week too, which I had relunctantly been putting aside to work on school things. I read a Patricia Cornwell-style mystery over the weekend, which was enjoyable but forgettable. I started Alice Sebold's Lucky last night, and it is much more promising so far. It's nice to have time to read again, but I am also looking forward to actually being home to watch The Office on Thursday night. No online episode for me this week! Plus, that's a night Jeremy and I will both be home, so we can actually sit down and watch together. Things are definitely looking up this week.

Just the Usual

I realize I have not been using this blog to its full potential...and I still haven't even told anyone where to find it, but maybe one day I will find some blog friends! As for now, I will keep trying to write when the urge strikes, with the comfort that I don't have to edit my thoughts too much. Life is still extremely busy for both Jeremy and me. We are both working extra jobs- his at the high school on Wednesdays and my teaching. I guess people think we are struggling for money and are forced to work two jobs to make ends meet, but that's not really the case at all. I think we are just so accustomed to being busy all the time, we find productive ways to use our extra time. As for me, teaching college is something I have wanted to do pretty much since I entered college myself. I do have to admit, though, the extra income is welcome, and it is nice to be able to do the things we want without having to struggle. I was a little apprehensive about that aspect when we bought the house in September, but it's actually working out nicely.

Speaking of teaching, the semester is on the downhill side now. Spring break has come and gone. It was nice to have a break, but it's still shocking to remember that spring break means nothing outside the education environment. The office was relatively quiet last week, though, which was a welcome change. There is just over a month remaining until I give my first final exam, which is kind of exciting. I have enjoyed this first semester for the most part, but I am truly ready for the end right now. It has been an adjustment period for me, and I have been trying to learn how the system works and figure out exactly how I want to run my class. Beginning with the summer class, I intend to implement a few changes and truly make the class mine. Also, for the summer and fall at least, I am only teaching American Government. Someone else is going to teach the State and Local course, which is great because I didn't care much for it! I am going to try online instruction in the fall, so I will be offering one American Government course online and one on campus. Teaching has been a bit of a challenge this first semester, but overall, I think it is something I will enjoy. The good thing about adjunct instruction is that I am only contracted semester to semester. When it is not fun anymore, I will just find something new to do....maybe with a little better pay next time!

I guess the thing I am most excited about right now is my youth group. Three of our girls are beginning confirmation classes this Sunday, and in about four weeks they will be baptized and become church members! I am thrilled with how receptive the girls were to the idea, and I have to admit, it feels like a little validation for me as an instructor. I feel like maybe we've actually gotten through to some of them and we're making a difference in their lives. Those kids, particularly the girls, need something to hold onto through all they have to deal with, and I hope they can find it in the church. God is good, and I know He is using us all the time, even in ways we can't see!

Endings...and Beginnings

Well, the holidays are officially over. I have to say they went by much too fast for me. As usual, everything snuck up on me around the second week of December and the next few weeks were a whirlwind. It's always fun to remember how much I love this time of year. We didn't get a whole lot of time off work, but thanks to some crafty maneuvering with my coworker, we were able to get a few extra afternoons away from the office. I miss being a kid and getting a glorious two weeks off at Christmas. Of course, that always went by too fast too, so I guess I am just never satisfied.



Christmas Day was packed full, as it has been for the past few years. The hasty Christmas wedding went better than I was expecting, although we were all too exhausted by that time to enjoy too much celebration. Jeremy and I exchanged our gifts on Christmas Eve this year. Since Christmas Day is so busy and rushed, we thought sitting down to enjoy a little time together the night before would be fun. I have never been a fan of opening presents early, preferring to wait for Christmas Day, but it did work well and gave us more time together. It's possible a new tradition has begun in the Hughes household. Of course, within the next few years, we will hopefully have a little one to share Christmas with, which will totally change the holiday for us....but it will be so much fun!

Anyway, now it's all over and it is time to get back to work. I start teaching at Northeast Community College next Tuesday, and I feel so unprepared. I think once I get started I will relax a little, but right now it feels like the first day of high school all over again (which was not a very pleasant feeling the first time around). I keep reminding myself this is what I wanted to do when I got my M.A., and I am actually doing it...at least my degree is going to be good for something!