Good news

Our appointment yesterday went well! It was a very quick appointment...the doctor did a quick ultrasound to check the heartbeats (167 bpm and 171 bpm, still high, which I say means girls!!), and that was about it. Dr. C. thought she might catch a glimpse if they are boys, but they were moving so much she couldn't tell anything. She said they were bouncing all over the place, which should be lots of fun in a few weeks when i can feel them! : )
Our next appointment is in four weeks, and they are going to do a growth scan, which is normally done later on in a pregnancy. The purpose is to check for discrepancies in the size of the babies, which could indicate twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome (TTTS). We are at risk for TTTS because there is only one placenta (which I now understand is how we know they're identical), but I have faith that God will take care of it. We are still a much, much lower risk pregnancy than we thought in the beginning, and TTTS has a few possible treatments if it's caught in time, so we are not going to worry without due cause. Along those same lines, we chose not to get the bloodwork done to check for the possibility of Down Syndrome. The tests only predict the increased possibility of genetic problems...and knowing our luck, they would come out indicative of problems and that would be another worry on our minds for the next six months! It wouldn't change anything anyway, if God chooses to give us children with special needs, that's what we will have.
For the moment, I feel so much more at ease and confident that our babies are on track and doing well. I will try to get some pictures posted soon, I just wanted to update on the appointment!

Limes in my Belly

As of today, I am 12 weeks pregnant (almost through the first trimester!!), and according to babycenter, my babies are about the size of limes. That's the first comparison that has really seemed substantial to me. I am familiar with limes (unlike the kumqwat a couple of weeks ago), and I can imagine the space two limes are taking up in my belly. My belly is growing almost daily, and I've bought my first pair of stretch-waist pants (pictures soon...of the belly, not the pants). I am still looking forward to our appointment on Monday, although I'm nervous about it. I'm a major-league worrier, but at the same time, I tend to irrationally think that if I don't know something is wrong, then it can't be that bad. Crazy, huh? If something is wrong with our babies, it's wrong whether I know it or not, and there's nothing I can do about it. Jeremy tries to convince me everything is fine...I'm having all the normal symptoms, no cramping or bleeding, and as mentioned, my midsection is expanding. Still, I've done a lot of praying for God to give me peace, and I hope to get some reassurance on Monday.
I still don't have much energy, but I did have some plans to clean the house today. So far, I've done the following: cooked breakfast (which I haven't done in many, many weeks), loaded the dishwasher, washed the comforter from our bed and hung it on the line to dry...and napped on the couch, off and on during about 4 hours of Law & Order. Productive, huh? Oh, and I should also mention that it's now 7:15, so my bedtime is quickly approaching. : ) So much for that to-do list.
This exhaustion is really beginning to take a toll on my tv-watching. Last week I fell asleep during the last 10 minutes of The Office!! How could that happen? This week, I did manage to make it through the episode (loved Michael & Holly's awkward hug and the Jim & Pam voicemails at the end!), as well as at least half of the Thursday night edition of SNL's Weekend Update...pretty funny, by the way. All I can say is thank goodness for episodes available online! I still have to watch this week's Grey's Anatomy and How I Met Your Mother. There are a few new shows I'm semi-interested in, but I just can't fit anything else into my sleeping-eating-worrying schedule (did I mention I'm supposed to gain about 40 pounds with this pregnancy?? So far, I've lost 2, gained 1...net gain of -1. Gotta get going on that.). I guess maybe this is preparation for life with two newborns...I'm sure I won't be watching much tv then, either! I will really have to try to get my fill for the next six months or so. Bring on the Law & Order!

Counting the Days

It seems like I'm just counting days lately. I'm looking forward to a couple of different things later this month, and now I'm just waiting on the next couple of weeks to go by!
The first (and most important) thing I'm looking forward to is my doctor's appointment on the 20th. I'm so ready to go and see those babies again! I'm so nervous that something's gone wrong and I don't know it. I'm trying to think positive, but I will feel ten thousand times better when we get to have another ultrasound and hear those little heartbeats. By my next appointment, I will be in the 12th week and almost through the first trimester, so the risk of miscarriage drops drastically. Maybe I can breathe a little easier then. After all the worrying we started out with, it's still hard to believe we may actually have TWO healthy babies in the spring. It seems too good to be true. After my 16 week appointment I will start going every two weeks, so no more month long waits between appointments!
The other thing I'm looking forward to is our trip to Gulf Shores at the end of the month. We have our annual conference for work the week of the 27th, so Jeremy and I get a nice vacation courtesy of the state! It is definitely a great perk of my job. Sometimes I think our division gets the short end of the stick by having our conference so late in the season...it probably won't be warm enough to do much swimming or laying out on the beach. But on the other hand, this is kind of a down time of the year- summer is filled with vacations and trips anyway, so we get to enjoy a wonderful week away in a season when most people don't get to take such a break. I'm especially looking forward to it right now...it's going to be a quiet, relaxing week with no stress and lots of reading (for fun!).
Speaking of reading, I've procrastinated long enough, and I should really go get started on posting an assignment for my online course. Maybe it will help pass the time until the 20th. : )

"Office" Love

Well, I'm almost a week late, but I had to mention last Thursday's season premiere of The Office. It was a long, dry summer without my favorite paper company, but the premiere did not disappoint! I just love Angela, even more so after watching some of her short videos on the NBC website. I thought she was fabulous in this episode, dialing up Dwight for covert meetings every time Andy mentioned their wedding. I wouldn't think anyone but Dwight would be nuts enough to work with Angela, but Andy is a pretty close second. Still, I like Angela and Dwight together...
And, of course, I have to mention the couple everyone waited three months to see again...Jim and Pam, naturally. How sweet was that proposal in the rain??? And I have to admit, I really didn't see it coming. I'm wondering if the writers are going to stir up some trouble for the happy couple. I'm sure they probably will, but I hope it's nothing too dramatic.
I'm not too sure I like Ryan being back, but it's kind of funny watching him try to apologize to everyone. I loved how Kelly totally blew him off. Oh, and Michael and Holly= Cute!
All in all, I'm looking forward to a great season!!

Answered Prayers!!!

We went to our second doctor's visit on Monday. The nurse didn't think we were having an ultrasound, but I was kind of insistent that the doctor had said we could have one, just to make sure everything is okay with the babies. She got the room ready and the doctor came in to do the ultrasound herself. And guess what she most unexpectedly found?? Separate sacs for our babies!! You could just barely seem them when she moved the wand the right way, but they were most definitely there. That means our babies are not momos, and barring other complications, we should have a normal identical twin pregnancy! (Yes, they are still identical, though I have no idea how she knows that.) Praise God! Words cannot explain the relief we have felt over the last few days. It's as if I can really be excited about the pregnancy now, and start to believe that we will bring two babies home with us in April (and not have them in February and spend months in the NICU). I am so thankful for all who have prayed for us over the past couple of weeks, and I ask for your continued prayers for a normal pregnancy! God is so good.

1st Doctor's Visit

I had my first appointment last Thursday, September 11. I wondered a little if that was a bad omen, but honestly, I was just excited to get there and see how things were going. I was being very cautious before the appointment, fully aware of all the things that can go wrong. Little did I know what I was in for!

When we were called back at the doctor's office, we went immediately to the ultrasound room. She got right to the point and got started with the good stuff! It didn't take long to pick out a little bean on the screen, and I laughed and said, "Oh, there it is!" The nurse smiled and said "yes, and here's the other one." Wow!! I'm pretty sure I started laughing and crying at the same time. Jeremy asked if she was "freaking kidding," and that was pretty much all he could say for a little while. She showed us both heartbeats, a solid 118 beats per minute. What an amazing relief that was! I was not completely shocked at the fact that it was twins, as we both have several sets on both sides of our families. The nurse could immediately tell they were identical, though, (more on that in a minute) which is not hereditary. She played around on the screen, showing us everything she could, until the doctor came in. She looked at the screen and said "oh my!" She asked the u/s tech if she saw any trace of a membrane, and they both quickly agreed they did not. I didn't think much about that, as I was still absorbing the idea of identical twins! The doctor noticed a small cyst on my ovary, which she was not very concerned about, and is thinking it is fluid-filled and will go away on its own. Before she left, the doctor said she would get a room ready for us, that we had some things to discuss.

We finished up the ultrasound, getting a couple of pictures and a great 4-d one showing both babies. Then we went to the room to talk with Dr. Callison. I remember the conversation, and I remember absorbing what she was telling us, even if it didn't make a whole lot of sense at the time. I remember thinking things must not be too good when she handed me a box of kleenex, though I managed to maintain composure. To make a very long story short, it appears our babies are monochorionic monoamniotic twins...called "momo twins" for short. (I tried to link to a simple wikipedia definition of the diagnosis, but it's not listed!) Basically, our twins are sharing an amniotic sac, as well as a placenta. It is a result of the egg splitting later than normal after fertilization, and it occurs in about 1% of twin pregnancies (naturally, I would be in the 1%...always have to be different!). I am suddenly an extremely high-risk pregnancy, with the main danger being that, as the babies grow and begin to move, their umbilical cords will wrap around each other and can become knotted. It is very scary, and frustrating to know there's nothing we can do to prevent it from happening. The given mortality rate for these pregnancies is usually quoted at 50%, though I have seen several sites claiming the chances have increased in recent years. My doctor initially said "better than 50%," so I refuse to focus on the negatives. As far as a plan of action goes, I will soon go see a specialist at UAB for a full scan and analysis. I will have ultrasounds every two weeks or so for now, some here and some in B'ham. If I make it to 24 weeks, which is kind of the "line in the sand," as Dr. Callison said (the point at which the babies really have a fighting chance of survival outside the womb, though at 24 weeks there would still likely be major disabilities), I will be admitted to the hospital to begin 24-hour monitoring of the babies. At 28 weeks, the survival rate jumps dramatically, and the longer they can stay in after that, the better off they are. Initial opinion is that the babies will be delivered at 32 weeks, if we make it that far...by c-section, no questions asked on that point! Basically, after I go in the hospital, I can have a c-section at any time if the cords become compressed and the babies go into danger. I should mention that I am around 7 weeks at this point (we never did get around to the more "normal" side of the doctor's visit, so I'm not sure exactly where they dated the babies), which is early, but suddenly it's so much further along than I would normally consider it. When you're talking about a pregnancy that will last a maximum of 32 weeks, 7 weeks is almost a quarter of the way there!

Whew...that was a lot to explain in just a few paragraphs, and it's been even more to comprehend over the past four days. But we are doing our best. I've been researching all I can find on momo twins, which is unfortunately not all that much. I have found a support website, with a message board, where I even stumbled across a girl from Huntsville who is 13 weeks into her momo pregnancy. It's great to have someone nearby that I can talk to already, though we both wish we didn't have a reason to connect, I'm sure. I have managed to find several blogs of families who've had success with their momo twins, which is encouragement that I'm clinging to right now. And, of course, I cling to the knowledge that this is all completely and entirely in the hands of our Heavenly Father. From the time I found out I was pregnant, I have prayed the simple prayer that I've had so much difficulty with in the past, "Not my will, but Yours be done." So here we are. I have never been in less control of my life than I am at this moment. There is absolutely nothing we can do at this point to ensure our babies' safety. Nothing, that is, except relying on the faith that our God is in control. I cannot help but think of Angie's words when she found out the baby she was carrying had complications that were terminal... “I think my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked in here.” That's really what it comes down to, isn't it? Faith that God can heal, but ultimately that He will do whatever it takes to fulfill his ultimate plan. And we are called to carry out that plan, whatever it may be.

So that's what I ask for tonight, prayers that God may heal our children as He sees fit, whatever that means. I am hoping and praying that our miracle babies will be here sometime in March (preferably later rather than sooner). There is a chance of misdiagnosis this early in the pregnancy, meaning we could go back and find there is actually a membrane there (and thus, babies in two separate sacs), which we are praying might happen! Unfortunately, though, the doctor seemed pretty sure and there was no trace of a membrane on the 4-D ultrasound. For the moment, we are as prepared as we can be for this ride, however long it lasts. We appreciate the thoughts and support, and above all, the prayers.

**Written Monday, September 1, 2008**

Well, we've told our parents the big news. We told my mom yesterday while we were in Scottsboro. She doesn't get overly excited about most things, but I know she's happy for us. We told Jeremy's parents tonight, and his mom can't wait until she can start telling everyone. I'm getting more excited as it becomes a little more real, but I'm still keeping it in check until I get to the doctor and make sure everything is okay.

I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, September 11...I hope that's not a bad sign!! I'm trying to be cautiously positive about the visit, but I won't feel any relief until I see a heartbeat on the ultrasound screen!