1st Doctor's Visit

I had my first appointment last Thursday, September 11. I wondered a little if that was a bad omen, but honestly, I was just excited to get there and see how things were going. I was being very cautious before the appointment, fully aware of all the things that can go wrong. Little did I know what I was in for!

When we were called back at the doctor's office, we went immediately to the ultrasound room. She got right to the point and got started with the good stuff! It didn't take long to pick out a little bean on the screen, and I laughed and said, "Oh, there it is!" The nurse smiled and said "yes, and here's the other one." Wow!! I'm pretty sure I started laughing and crying at the same time. Jeremy asked if she was "freaking kidding," and that was pretty much all he could say for a little while. She showed us both heartbeats, a solid 118 beats per minute. What an amazing relief that was! I was not completely shocked at the fact that it was twins, as we both have several sets on both sides of our families. The nurse could immediately tell they were identical, though, (more on that in a minute) which is not hereditary. She played around on the screen, showing us everything she could, until the doctor came in. She looked at the screen and said "oh my!" She asked the u/s tech if she saw any trace of a membrane, and they both quickly agreed they did not. I didn't think much about that, as I was still absorbing the idea of identical twins! The doctor noticed a small cyst on my ovary, which she was not very concerned about, and is thinking it is fluid-filled and will go away on its own. Before she left, the doctor said she would get a room ready for us, that we had some things to discuss.

We finished up the ultrasound, getting a couple of pictures and a great 4-d one showing both babies. Then we went to the room to talk with Dr. Callison. I remember the conversation, and I remember absorbing what she was telling us, even if it didn't make a whole lot of sense at the time. I remember thinking things must not be too good when she handed me a box of kleenex, though I managed to maintain composure. To make a very long story short, it appears our babies are monochorionic monoamniotic twins...called "momo twins" for short. (I tried to link to a simple wikipedia definition of the diagnosis, but it's not listed!) Basically, our twins are sharing an amniotic sac, as well as a placenta. It is a result of the egg splitting later than normal after fertilization, and it occurs in about 1% of twin pregnancies (naturally, I would be in the 1%...always have to be different!). I am suddenly an extremely high-risk pregnancy, with the main danger being that, as the babies grow and begin to move, their umbilical cords will wrap around each other and can become knotted. It is very scary, and frustrating to know there's nothing we can do to prevent it from happening. The given mortality rate for these pregnancies is usually quoted at 50%, though I have seen several sites claiming the chances have increased in recent years. My doctor initially said "better than 50%," so I refuse to focus on the negatives. As far as a plan of action goes, I will soon go see a specialist at UAB for a full scan and analysis. I will have ultrasounds every two weeks or so for now, some here and some in B'ham. If I make it to 24 weeks, which is kind of the "line in the sand," as Dr. Callison said (the point at which the babies really have a fighting chance of survival outside the womb, though at 24 weeks there would still likely be major disabilities), I will be admitted to the hospital to begin 24-hour monitoring of the babies. At 28 weeks, the survival rate jumps dramatically, and the longer they can stay in after that, the better off they are. Initial opinion is that the babies will be delivered at 32 weeks, if we make it that far...by c-section, no questions asked on that point! Basically, after I go in the hospital, I can have a c-section at any time if the cords become compressed and the babies go into danger. I should mention that I am around 7 weeks at this point (we never did get around to the more "normal" side of the doctor's visit, so I'm not sure exactly where they dated the babies), which is early, but suddenly it's so much further along than I would normally consider it. When you're talking about a pregnancy that will last a maximum of 32 weeks, 7 weeks is almost a quarter of the way there!

Whew...that was a lot to explain in just a few paragraphs, and it's been even more to comprehend over the past four days. But we are doing our best. I've been researching all I can find on momo twins, which is unfortunately not all that much. I have found a support website, with a message board, where I even stumbled across a girl from Huntsville who is 13 weeks into her momo pregnancy. It's great to have someone nearby that I can talk to already, though we both wish we didn't have a reason to connect, I'm sure. I have managed to find several blogs of families who've had success with their momo twins, which is encouragement that I'm clinging to right now. And, of course, I cling to the knowledge that this is all completely and entirely in the hands of our Heavenly Father. From the time I found out I was pregnant, I have prayed the simple prayer that I've had so much difficulty with in the past, "Not my will, but Yours be done." So here we are. I have never been in less control of my life than I am at this moment. There is absolutely nothing we can do at this point to ensure our babies' safety. Nothing, that is, except relying on the faith that our God is in control. I cannot help but think of Angie's words when she found out the baby she was carrying had complications that were terminal... “I think my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked in here.” That's really what it comes down to, isn't it? Faith that God can heal, but ultimately that He will do whatever it takes to fulfill his ultimate plan. And we are called to carry out that plan, whatever it may be.

So that's what I ask for tonight, prayers that God may heal our children as He sees fit, whatever that means. I am hoping and praying that our miracle babies will be here sometime in March (preferably later rather than sooner). There is a chance of misdiagnosis this early in the pregnancy, meaning we could go back and find there is actually a membrane there (and thus, babies in two separate sacs), which we are praying might happen! Unfortunately, though, the doctor seemed pretty sure and there was no trace of a membrane on the 4-D ultrasound. For the moment, we are as prepared as we can be for this ride, however long it lasts. We appreciate the thoughts and support, and above all, the prayers.

**Written Monday, September 1, 2008**

Well, we've told our parents the big news. We told my mom yesterday while we were in Scottsboro. She doesn't get overly excited about most things, but I know she's happy for us. We told Jeremy's parents tonight, and his mom can't wait until she can start telling everyone. I'm getting more excited as it becomes a little more real, but I'm still keeping it in check until I get to the doctor and make sure everything is okay.

I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, September 11...I hope that's not a bad sign!! I'm trying to be cautiously positive about the visit, but I won't feel any relief until I see a heartbeat on the ultrasound screen!

Guess who's pregnant??

**written August 28, 2008**

Yep, that would be me. It's still sinking in; I actually haven't let my thoughts go too far yet, but I am very excited. Jeremy and I have been basically "trying" (although I loathe that word and have refused to use it) to conceive for the past couple of months, but I think I'm still sort of surprised. I should have gotten my period last week, but I was a week or so late last month so I waited until this week to really start thinking about it. Yesterday morning, I took a pregnancy test and there was a very faint second line in the window. I just sort of stood there for a minute, trying to let it sink in, see if I felt any different....then I had to get ready for work. : ) I had to run to Walmart after work yesterday, so I bought another test while I was there. I planned to wait until this morning, but I didn't make it. This time I bought the digital pregnancy-test-for-dummies, the kind that literally says "pregnant" or "not pregnant." Sure enough, there it was: Pregnant. Seeing it in plain text made me feel a little more sure about it! After reading the test the second time, I actually laughed out loud. Jeremy was at work, so I got to share the moment with my dogs, who were just hanging out in the hallway hoping I would grab a toy and play with them. (I also think Petey Grace was already eyeing the wrapper I had just thrown in the garbage can.) Since last night when I took the second test, I've been trying to figure out if I've had any symptoms yet. The only thing I'm sure of so far is that my breasts are extremely tender! (Details I don't necessarily have to share, I know, but I want this for a record of exactly what I'm thinking right now!) I also realized that I've gone to bed around 9:00 pm about three times in the past week, which is about an hour and a half before normal.

I was a little unsure about how exactly to tell Jeremy, since I got carried away and didn't wait for him to be here when I took the test. He works second shift, so I knew I would be asleep when he got home, and I hadn't mentioned the test from yesterday morning. I have always said I don't want to get carried away too early on, because I happen to know a little too well that things don't always go as planned. Also, my best friend had a molar pregnancy in the fall, and watching her have to go through that experience has just made me extra cautious. Anyway, point being, there were lots of cute and creative ways I could have told Jeremy, but I'm trying to be practical at this point, more so than just over-the-top excited. So this morning, after I got ready for work, I woke Jeremy up and showed him my positive pregnancy test, which I had saved for just this purpose (in a plastic baggie, don't worry!). He opened one eye, looked at it, scrunched up his face and opened the other eye. Finally he said, "Does that say 'pregnant'?" I said, "Yes, it does, and it's mine." He kind of smiled and said something along the lines of "well, cool." As good a response as I could ask for that early and with that little sleep, I guess! A few hours later, when he woke up for the day, Jeremy called me at work and said, "Did you show me a pregnancy test this morning, or did I dream that?" I assured him that yes, I did show it to him, and that it was true. He's pretty excited, I think, and keeps reassuring me that everything will be fine. We are not telling anyone else just yet, but talking about it with Jeremy makes it a little more real!

I already have a Dr. appointment scheduled for September 10, for an annual exam, which should work out nicely for a first appointment. According to the websites I've looked up, I should be 5 weeks pregnant as of today. That means my baby's heart and some other major organs are being formed as I write! Exciting... The estimated due date is April 30, which sounds like a good time to me! I am ready to get to the doctor and let her confirm that everything is okay. For the moment, though, I feel good, so I might as well allow myself a little bit of cautious joy!

August 12, 2006

Two years ago today, I wore the most beautiful wedding gown I had ever hoped to own. Two years ago today, I marvelled at flower arrangements I would never have dreamed of, and I danced at a wedding reception that topped anything I could have ever imagined. I was not one of those girls who knew exactly how I wanted my wedding to be when I was five years old. I didn't sit around imagining the huge, flowing gown, and I didn't spend hours trying to imagine my future groom. It just wasn't my thing. However, when I went to work at Talk of the Town in 2005, I was suddenly surrounded by weddings. I was newly engaged at that point in time, so I did spend a lot of time identifying the details I would like to see in my own wedding. By the next year, with my own wedding fast approaching, we were so busy at Talk of the Town that I felt like weddings had taken over my life. I was literally working 60 hours a week on other people's events! I had no energy left to obsess over my own. The best thing I ever did (related to my wedding, anyway) was to leave the details to Bruce, the most creative and talented person I know. I had an absolutely stress-free wedding day (power outages and all!), and I trusted in the TOTT team completely to handle everything down to the last detail. And as for that day two years ago, it was without a doubt better than anything I could have hoped for.

I realize that I have only talked about our wedding up to this point, saying little about our actual marriage. And I have learned that although the wedding is the beginning of the marriage, they are two completely different topics. The wedding was an event (an amazing one) that took months of planning, but was over within a few hours. The marriage, however, is a process. It continues to evolve and progress as Jeremy and I evolve, both as a couple and individually. In the next couple of days, I will explore our first two years in that process a little more. But for now, a few of my favorite pictures from the beginning of our marriage...

...haha...okay, pictures to come when I get them off the other computer! : ) I wanted to go ahead and get this posted before it was too far past our anniversary!

Random Thoughts

Some things we've been up to lately...

1. I saw Mamma Mia! last weekend. I didn't have a lot of expectations for it after reading some of the reviews, so I was not disappointed. It was silly at times, strange at other times, but overall an enjoyable movie. I'm sure it was better in the theater than it will be at home, so I'm glad I saw it. Someone described it to me as being "like a two-hour vacation," and that's completely true. But who doesn't need that every once in awhile?

2. My husband shaved his head yesterday! He's been wanting to for awhile, but was nervous about how it would turn out. I encouraged it; I've wondered what he might look like if he loses his hair one day, so it's like a sneak peak. I haven't really seen it yet...I was asleep when he got home last night and he was asleep when I left this morning, so I couldn't get a good look. His head is pretty white though, so a little sun might help!

3. My sister has been home for a little over a week, but she leaves tomorrow going back to Mobile. It's been nice having her around, even though we haven't done much. I'm hoping to get to go down there to visit before too long. Mobile is really starting to grow on me too! Jeremy and I will definitely go visit when we go down for my work conference in October, but maybe I can squeeze in a weekend before then.

4. We've had some drama in the youth group in the last week or so. Those kids continue to surprise me! Along those lines, though, our new pastor is awesome. He and his family have already livened up the church, and they are fitting in very well. I think he is going to challenge us like we've never experienced before, but we need that to continue to grow...even if it's hard sometimes.

5. We had to make an unexpected purchase this week, but it turned out okay. The lawnmower quit on Monday, and it was going to cost at least a few hundred dollars to repair it. Jeremy has been dying for a new mower, and it actually made more sense to go buy one, rather than put money into an old one and have something else go wrong next month. The one we had was old, but we got more than our money's worth out of it over the last couple of years. So, on Monday night, we made the trip to Lowe's and purchased a brand-new bright green John Deere. We were able to finance it with zero interest for a year, which was nice. That will allow us to pay for it over the next couple of months when Jeremy goes back to his part-time job at the high school. (That allows us a lot of flex money during the school year!) I did learn that just asking for zero percent interest rates when making a major purchase usually works...good to know for the future!

That's really about it at the moment. We have an anniversary coming up in less than two weeks, but we have no major plans for that yet. Money is a little tight until we go back to our respective second jobs, and we aren't really big on gifts anyway. We'll most likely have a nice dinner out and maybe actually go to a movie or something, which is a rarity with our schedules. Whatever we do, I'm excited to be celebrating our two years of marriage!

Recent movies

The absolute laziness of this past weekend allowed me to check another movie off my list of classic movies. Saturday morning when the dogs woke me up bright and early (they don't have any concept of the weekend and so continue to demand their regular 6:30 am feeding), I decided to settle in on the couch and take in the latest gem awaiting me. This time I watched Brief Encounter, from 1946. It was a very mild portrayal of a passionate affair between two strangers who randomly met at a train station in England. The word I would use to describe the movie itself is "charming." That's what comes to mind when I think of the way the intimacy was only hinted about and all the things the couple left unsaid. It's an great example of the changes in the film industry from then to now...nothing is left unsaid or unseen anymore. The story itself was simple, but poignant and emotional. You could feel the anguish as she sits at home with her kind husband, knowing her lover is on his way to Africa and she will never see him again...and worst of all, that she will never be able to tell a soul about her pain. I am really enjoying the discovery of these great old movies, and I can't wait to decide on my next pick!

Sunday afternoon, Jeremy and I skipped ahead a few decades (we get netflix two at a time, so I usually get one classic for me and a current movie for us to watch together). We watched Definitely, Maybe, which I have to say was one of the better movies I've seen in awhile. The story is told in a creative and entertaining way...a dad, who's going through a divorce, tells his daughter the story of how he got together with her mother, but he changes the names so the daughter can guess which one turns out to be her mother. It's definitely different, sort of similar to How I Met Your Mother, and the daughter is played by the fabulous Abigail Breslin. Jeremy and I both liked it, which is pretty unusual, but it's nice when we agree occasionally. : )

Recap of early July

We had a great trip to the beach and made it back safely. We got to spend some time with my sister, who has been there all summer with Summer Beach Project. She's been working as a lifeguard at Shipwreck Island waterpark and staying very busy with all sorts of projects, bible studies, etc. The "hotel" they are staying in (ok, it's actually a motor inn!) is quite cramped, so she stayed two nights with us. I would be scrambling for a night away too, if I was staying in a room with 5 other girls! Anyway, we visited with Laura, spent an afternoon with a friend of Jeremy's and his family, relaxed and read by the pool, and ate a ton of excellent food. Successful vacation! I have to say that Panama City has changed a lot since the last time I was there (May 2002). For so long, Panama City has had the party place reputation, and the last time I was there it certainly lived up to that reputation. However, it seems that they are making a conscious effort to return to a more family-friendly atmosphere, and it seems to be working. The majority of the lower-end strip motels have been turned into condos, and most places seem to require a minimum age of 25 to check in. The "strip," while still packed and slow-moving nearly all the time, was not full of drunk teenagers hanging out of car windows or riding in the back of trucks. I am sure there is more of that going on during Spring Break and senior trip time, but overall, we found PCB very laid-back and family-friendly. The new dining and shopping locale, Pier Park, was very nice and we went there at some point almost every day. It's similar to Bridge Street in Huntsville, but a little bigger. The only drawback was that most of the shops closed at 9. We tend to eat dinner pretty late on vacation, so a couple of nights we were left without many options for entertainment after dinner. We did venture over to Apalachicola on Saturday, where we spent the afternoon exploring and taking pictures. There is a very old cemetery right in downtown, and it was interesting to walk around and take in the history contained there. My favorite part was reading the inscriptions on the markers...kind of morbid, I know, but it's fascinating. Some of them dated back to before the Civil War. You can't find that just anywhere! Here are a few pictures from our trip:

Dinner at The Backporch with my sister and a friend of hers.

View of the beach from our balcony, with a storm coming in.

Spending the afternoon by the pool with Laura.

The week we got back from the beach was the week of the 4th of July, so I had a very short week. Jeremy worked on the 4th, so my mom, my aunt, and my cousin came to Huntsville. We did some bargain-shopping (Big Lots!) and had dinner. That evening, I learned just how much the people in my neighborhood love this holiday. Several people in our neighborhood shot fireworks, and I have to say, it was just as good as any professional show I've seen! I can't imagine the money they spent on fireworks, but I sat in the backyard and enjoyed them for two full hours. Chloe (our Eskimo Spitz) loved it because I was letting her run around the yard and bark her little heart out at them, but Petey Grace (my black-eyed shelter dog) was absolutely terrified of the fireworks. She refused to come outside after they started, and she sat at the backdoor the whole time so she could keep her eyes on us. The one time I coaxed (okay, pushed) her out the door, she jumped up in my lap in the lawn chair. Have I mentioned that she is not a small dog? She's about 30 pounds and very long-legged, so the image of her trying to curl up on my lap in the lawn chair she would barely fit in alone was quite comical. Apparently some of the neighborhood kids had leftovers from the 4th, because all weekend they shot small fireworks periodically. Poor Petey Grace was scared to go outside for days, but I think she's finally gotten over it.

So that's what has been going on in our lives lately. Nothing too exciting, just enjoying the summer as much as we can around our work schedules. We did have a pool party for the youth group on Sunday afternoon, which was a lot of fun, but tiring. The weather had been iffy all morning, but it held off for two hours, just for us! Literally...it was cloudy just before we got there, and it was raining less than thirty minutes after we left. God knew we needed that fellowship, I guess!